Tiger Lily

Dec. 1st, 2014 01:49 am
halliwelsis93: (Rachel)
I know that a lot of people are upset about Tiger Lily and I know that she is completely racist in the original Peter Pan film as well as the book.  There is no arguing that point.  I am about to say something that is not entirely appropriate and I apologize.  I am a little confused.  Clearly the original Tiger Lily is based on conceptions of Native Americans that are neither accurate or fair.  I would just like to discuss the fact that Neverland is not America.  It is another world that does not necessarily have to subscribe to racial boundries in the same way.  Is it possible that casting Rooney Mara was a quest to divorce the character from her problematic past, by making her unique to the island.  I think that it can be asked that was there not anyway to do that or something similar with an actress of color, specifically a Native American one?  I also know that I don't truly get to weigh in on this issue, because I am not directly affected by it.  I cannot understand what it is to be a Native American in this country.  Not truly.  I just have a hard time wrapping my mind around this particular issue, but I am attempting to respect those with more knowledge than me.

Musings

Mar. 12th, 2014 03:26 pm
halliwelsis93: (Rachel)
Sometimes I wonder if I am a writer without an outlet.  I talk a lot and I think that I annoy people in doing so.  But when there are people around willing to pay me any kind of attention, I take advantage of it.  That is not to say that I don't have family members and friends who care a great deal about me, but I often feel like everyone wants me to shut up.  I get a subject between my teeth like the (temporary) resurgence of The Lizzie Bennett Diaries and I cannot stop talking about it.  I don't know why.  Its a little like I am trying to browbeat my audience into agreeing with me.  But it also feels as if I get something out of someone listening to me.  When someone talks to me, I pay attention.  I disengage from whatever I was doing and focus on them.  I find it frustrating that many people don't extend the same courtesy to me.  Am I really talking so much more than them?  Is what I have to say really so uninteresting?  I think I need another outlet, but I think part of the effect for me is the audience.  I think that talking makes me feel worthy, because I know there is an audience.  I write stuff here and although it is the internet and anyone could look at it no one does.  I think that my life would be dramatically improved and perhaps my relationships if I could find an additional audience.  I don't know.  Just stuff to think about.  (I read an article that made me want to write a novel.)
halliwelsis93: (Default)
I want to write stuff.  I really like to think up stories in my head.  Mostly, its fanfiction, but some of it is original stories and I think that it might be pretty good.  If I could get it on paper.  Which doesn't seem to be happening.  That is my biggest problems with writing.  I am good at stream of consciousness, but I am not as comfortable writing stories, because I don't think they are very good.  I don't think that my journal entries like this are very good either, but I don't think that matters that much.  I judge my writing very harshly, but since I don't let myself write, I don't know how in the fuck I am going to get any better.  It is a conundrum.  I constantly have all kinds of stories in my head and I never finish any of them.  It's pathetic.  Although that is not true, I finish the one shots, but that is because I sit down and write them the same way that I am writing this in a stream without stopping until I am done.  I think there is something wrong with me, I love to read and write, but I cannot seem to write the type of things that I like to read.  I don't even know. I think that I am going to try to write regularly again and it is not going to go well, but I shall try.
halliwelsis93: (Default)
There is this thing called the internet and it is a place of freedom.  Since the internet started people have been trying to control it and use it to their advantage.  But although it was created by humans it seems to be an entity all its own.  Then came along the American Government, a government that professes to be all about freedom.  They decided that the internet needed to be regulated, that it was taking to much money away from the corporations.  The problem is that the point of the internet is to be able to freely share ideas and talk about things that you love.  This incudes talking about and even sharing copywrited material.  I am not condoning downloading, I myself do not participate in it for the most part, but problem with SOPA and PIPA is that they would allow corporations to greatly restrict most of the sites on the web.  Maybe they wouldn't completely decimate websites like Tumblr and Facebook and YouTube, but I think that they would and I firmly believe that they should not have the option.  I think that the internet allows people to freely express themselves whether it is drawing or editing or writing or being a member of a fandom (although no one is a member of just one fandom).  I think to take that away would be disastrous, because the internet is outlet for the fringe groups that they have never had before and even a place for the more mainstream people to fly their secret freak flag, because everyone has one.  I think this was made so clear, by the way that the internet joined together (they can never agree on anything) and rose up against SOPA and PIPA.  The internet is important.  The internet is powerful and we can do more than that.  We have so much potential, so don't silence us.
halliwelsis93: (Default)
There is so much that I would say to my stepdad if I could.  I hate him.  After living with the fucking man for 10 years, I can safely say that it's not because he invaded the twosome that my mom and I had going, at least not most of it.  My mother married a jackass.  She completely failed at marrying her father if that's what she was trying to do.  My grandfather is a very smart, caring, accomplished man.  My stepdad is the opposite.  He has no employable skills.  He never graduated from college.  He was a ski patroller for many years and he was good at that, but he quit recently, because it was too hard.  He has some pretty good artistic skills with drawing, painting and photography, but he never even tried to promote himself and he hasn't done anything artistic in years.  My mom takes more pictures than he does.  He is deaf in one ear and loosing his hearing in the other ear and all he does is complain about it.  He wears a hearing aid, but only because my mom set that up for him.  He won't go out and when he does he doesn't talk and then when we get home he just complains about how everything is too loud for him.  On days that he's ot working he sleeps until 3pm.  Even I only sleep till 10am at the latest.  He only has the job that he currently has, because my mom is the boss.  That is true of me as well, but I am also pretty good at and very confident in my job.  He is neither.  He complains about everything all the time and doesn't do anything to fix it.  I hate him.  He used to scream at me like you wouldn't believe.  He even pushed me down the stairs once and choked me twice.  I have no reason to like this man.  Feel bad for him sometimes, but like him.... no.   On top of all of this, he is depressed and doesn't really do anything, besides g to work and sit at the house.  That's a little what I do too, but that's because all my friends are away at college.  All of his friends are still here, he has no excuse.  

Apparently, that makes me selfish.  Thinking that my mom is worth and deserves, so much more than this is selfish.  I'm not going to say that I don't want him gone for me as well, but Jesus Christ.... he's like the world's biggest moocher.  I think that I pay more towards the bills and mortgage every month than he does and I'm not paying that much rent.   

I can be bratty and selfish, but I'm just saying that my mom and I were getting along perfectly all day until he came home.  He changes the vibe of the house and makes me angry just by existing.
halliwelsis93: (Default)
 I'm so tired.  I just want to sleep and I have to get up in 8 hours to go to work.  I like the job and I like working, it's just that the dynamics are hard.  I work for my mom which is great and it sucks at the same time.  The real problem is I don't know what else I would do.  The thing is that I've been at this job for the past 12 years with my mom and working for the past 6, so I know things.  Like how the system works generally and the short cuts, but at the same time that have all this knowledge there is somethings that I don't know and I make mistakes.  Also, even though I know a lot about the dynamics of the office, I don't have seniority , so I don't get to make any input into the decisions and that it just so annoying.  Plus I can tell that the girls that I'm working with only put up with me because I'm the bosses daughter and they totally disregard me because I'm 19.  The thing is that I'm more mature than them.  Specifically the two girls I've been working with the most.  The one of them has been working at the office for almost a year now and the other has just started and is training.  The one who has been working for almost a year now is really smart and hard working and dedicated and I like her.  However she and the girl who just started training are friends and when they get together they get stupid like most people do with their friends, which is fine but is hard when you've been working with them for ten days straight.  they get goofy and laugh at stupid things and most of the time they seem to completely forget that I'm there.  I need a break and to go apologize to my mom, i was rude.  brb.

I just feel so much like an outcast everywhere I go.  I have yet to find the people like me.  I found several groups of people who are almost like me, but one group is wittier and another group is more creative and this group is smarter and this group is.  I don't even know.  There girls I'm working with are in their late twenties and neither of them has any money saved.  Both are living hand to mouth and they go out with their friends every night.  I don't understand.  I guess its different personality types, but they seem so immature to me.  

I'm sure that I seem immature to them, but I just care about different things.  I think I talk too much and about things that they don't want to hear about, so they kind of tune me out.  Actually most people seem to tune me out.  It seems like no one ever wants to talk about what I want to talk about.  Especially to the depth and length that I always want to talk about things.  I've never had a boyfriend and I can't think of anyone who could survive being my boyfriend with the stuff that I like to talk about.  

I don't even really know what I want to do.  I just know that whatever I do there needs to be time and money to watch as many movies and television shows as possible.  Other than that I have no fucking clue.  I can't even decide what I want to do this fall.  Do I go back to school and try to get through that?  Do I stay here and work through the year, while I save some money and ponder my options?  If I stay do I talk some community college courses?  Or do I go to a different school for medical billing, and try to get a job like my mom's?  I have no idea.  Maybe I just need a gap year, to do nothing at all.  I think I'm kinda burnt out.  

I have not the foggiest idea.  I do know that I have to get up in 7 hours and 23 minutes to shower and go to work and I do know that tomorrow at work, I'm going to try to talk to my coworkers as little as possible.  I have no idea what I'm going to do to pass the time.   Maybe I'll just write a stream of consciousness in Microsoft Word.  Maybe I'll try to write a story or some fanfiction.  I really wish that I could finish more than a one shot.  I just feel young and experienced at the same time at my job and its a hard feeling to reconcile.  I know more than people give me credit for at the same time that I know nothing.  I want to know everything.  Wouldn't that be nice?  

I also wouldn't be against not working with someone who loved the Jackass films.  I'm sorry, but that makes you a fucking idiot and very uncultured and... I've forgotten the word... I guess immature fits, but wasn't what I was looking for.  I mean, yes it's sad that Ryan Dunn died so young and my heart goes out to his friends and family, but a man who made a living out of doing stupid things, died doing a stupid thing.  Is that really shocking to anyone?  and that was my politically incorrect statement of the day.  I just have one more:  I wasn't really that offended by what Roger Ebert said although I think it might have been too soon.   I wish that I could just skip all of this indecision and just skip to the part where I'm really successful at something.  

A couple of more venting things about my coworkers before I go.  The trainee.... if you're hurt or sick or in pain go to the fucking doctor.... you are so fucking slow, its not that hard.... you're doing it wrong, and by wrong I mean the long way and adding extra steps you don't need.  MTY mom.... you need to either be my mom or my boss, this back and forth thing is hard, because I don't which one you are at any given moment.  The other girl.... you might have seniority over me at the front desk, but I've lived with my mom all my life and I'm worked here for 6 years and I've known my current boss for 12.  I win bitch.  To both of them together.... please stop acting like idiots at the front desk.... your jokes aren't funny.... you should include you other coworker in your stuff.  To the customers.... we are not billing you wrong..... yes you really owe us that much money..... no your insurance doesn't cover that.....  no I can't "just..."... just tell me what's fucking wrong or I can't help you.  To me.... shut the fuck up, you annoy people..... be confident.... don't worry about whether your coworkers like, but antagonize them... don't expect them to treat you like everyone else, you are the boss's daughter.... don't take everything personally, they aren't trying to hurt you.  

Most of all just breathe through the pain in 19 hours its the weekend.
halliwelsis93: (Rachel)
 1. Been drunk. 

2. Touched a real gun.

3. Done drugs. 

4. Took “naughty” pictures of myself.

5. Had sex

6. Got into a fist fight.

7. Listened to Lady Gaga. 

8. Been in a car accident.

9. Gotten suspended.


10. Gotten expelled.

11. Got a computer virus.

12. Had a dog.


13. Been pregnant.

14. Camped out.

15. Swam in the ocean.

16. Wore a bikini.


17. Meet someone online in person.

18. Failed a class.

19. Read an entire book. 

20. Wore fishnets.


21. Bought skinny jeans.

22. Been in love.

23. Been cheated on.

24. Cheated on someone.

26. Did something sexual with someone of the same sex 

27. Worn makeup.

28. Been to college. 


29. Worn colored contacts.

30. Painted my nails black.

31. Broken someone’s heart.

32. Had my heart broken.

33. Cried for an hour straight. 

34. Lost something very valuable.

35. Had sex in a car. 

37. Gotten stung by a bee.

38. Eaten something bad/expired.

39. Threw up from being so drunk.

40. Owned an iPod.

41. Owned an iPhone.
42. Fell for a best friend.

43. Went away from home for more than a week.


44. Ran away but came back anyway.

45. Teased my brother/sister. 

46. Been to the hospital.

47. Lied to a friend.

48. Lied to a family member.


49. Started a rumor about someone. 

50. Cut yourself

Randomness

Jul. 25th, 2010 02:37 am
halliwelsis93: (Default)
 I feel like writing....this is just going to be a stream of consciousness and stuff...there will not be actual sentences...continue at your own risk...if there is some thought in here I really like I will pull it out and write another post just about that...however at this particular moment I am just enjoying the sensation of typing.  I watched the first episode of Doctor Who today...whenever I start to type Doctor, I want to automatically shorten it to Dr....I guess that's what happens when you work in a Dr.'s office...anyway I like Rose and find that Doctor Who make a lot more sense when you start from the beginning...I have a friend who will not stop going on about it and the only reason I'm watching it is to be in on the joke... I also watched Bend It Like Beckham for the first time in a very long time....I still like it and I wish there was more Jess/Joe fanfiction and less Jess/Jules fanfiction...I love Jonathan Rhys Meyers, although I just found out today that Rhys is pronounced like reese...Reese reminded me of Kyle Reese, who is awesome and loves Sarah Connor very much....speaking of which Linda Hamilton is playing Chuck's on the TV show Chuck, so now I am going to have to watch at least those episodes...coming back to my original train of thought...because I have to watch Doctor Who, I am going to make my friend watch Die Hard...perhaps the whole series (so far) because they are awesome and John McClane is kickass...I love 80's action movies, can't you tell...I also watched Rookie Blue today... I found that it resembled grey's Anatomy, which I don't really watch, but know a far bit about, because I try to pay attention to pop culture...I seem to have attached myself to a relationship which is not the one I was supposed to and is not going to last, which is kinda bumming me out...I then watched the LXD episodes that I had missed  and I found that a lot of people really don't like it... or at least the people who are taking time to comment...I liked this one episode called Robot Lovestory...it was like a silent movie and so of course it reminded me of the Buffy episode Hush.....then I got an unbearable urge to read Matt Farrell/John McClane fanfiction and I found a user that has an stellar Supernatural icon...its from the Mystery Spot episode and its Dean doing his little Heat of the Moment dance....I really liked it....I forgot to say that I watched Warehouse 13 too...which for some reason, despite it being really bad, I really like...I don't know I think that its because of the artifacts...ok i don't really have anything else to say...except now I'm think about the 3rd Die Hard, which to be frank is probably my least favorite and now I can't remember the title...Samuel L. Jackson was in it, but I mostly found his character annoying...god...what was it called...number 1 is Die Hard, number 2 is Die Hard 2: Die Harder...I got it number 3 is Die Hard With a Vengeance and number 4 is Life Free or Die Hard....they are making a fifth one, but the title has not been announced yet...I am excited for the movie RED, but I am going to have no one to go with...which is a bummer and one of the downsides to moving so far away from my mother...ok yeah, i'm a momma's girl, but my dad is an asshole and lives across the country, so there was no way I was gonna be a daddy's girl....no way in hell... I am going to miss my mom a lot.... I am almost thinking that I don't want to go...I don't think that I'm ready to go...I think the big bad world might chew me up and spit me out, but in't that the point don't I have to take that risk.....It's just very scary and I don't feel ready...ok on that note I should go to bed and dream of Bruce Willis....goodnight to anyone who happens to be bored enough to be reading this.

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halliwelsis93

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