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 I don't know what to do.  I need to film this short film or I am going to flunk out of my film class.  The problem is that all of the cameras are checked out.  I am going to  try to piggyback on someone elses shoot, but if I can't....  I don't know what to do short of buying a Bolex and I am not even sure they sell them anymore.  Aaaaahhhh!  If I don't get this done my mother is going to kill me.  Not literally, but I will get a tongue lashing, like you cannot believe.  I'm gonna try to fix it, but what if I can't?  What if I can't get this shot before Monday, when its due.  I'll be so upset.  The final cut isn't due, but the film is.  Aaaahhh!  It's weird though, because I am calmer now than I was before I knew that all the cameras were booked.  I don't know why.  I'm going to get everything ready, like I'm going to shoot it this weekend and pray that the universe likes me.  I'm also going to call the Film Cage again in the morning and see if something has changed, God do I hope.  I think this easier for me to deal with, because I know what to do.  I work better in panic mode, which is interesting in of itself.  The worst thing to happen would be if I couldn't get this filmed and in before the rest of the deadlines.  These classes are expensive and I need to get a job.  Right now.  I need to start making money right now, so that if I do fail this class, I can pay my mo mback for it as soon as possible.  God do I hate this, but at least now I have plan of attack.  Somehow, now that this is harder, its easier to deal with.  There is something seriously wrong with me.  I have to go work on other homwork now that I'm no longer queasy.  
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 I am having such a problem right now.  I have no motivaiton to do anything.  I am turning things in late and not doing my work until the last minute.  Right now I need a camera on Sunday to film this short film that I am working on.  If don't get it in I am going to flunk out of college and my mom is going to disown me or something.  

I dread making films.  This is not a good thing, when I am studying to be a director.  I am supposed to be good at this passionate about this, because I love movies.  I love them.  Movies and television are like the only things that make me happy, besides my family.  But I have an incredibly difficult time with school.  It is very hard for me.  Not the class part, I love class, but doing homework is like pulling teeth.  I don't why its so hard for me.  I am smart capable person and I want to do well, but I just.... I have such a hard time making myself do things.  

I don't have any friends here and, so the only person I can talk to is my mom.  The problem with that is not only is she across hte country, but she is a really motivated person, so I can't truly ex[lain this to her.  How I feel.  She doesn't get it.  That isn't really her fault, because truthfully I don't understand either.  Why is this so hard for me?  I'm really good at the writing part.  I am not so good with the asking people to do me favors or work with me.  I am not a very organized person .  I can't do this.  I cannot do this.

My roommate has it all together.  She's barely ever here, but she has it all together.  She gets her homework done the night before at a resonable hour, something I think that I have only done a total of ten times in my life.  I don't even know.  I am going to try and follow her example startign with getting up every day no later than 10am.  I think that a huge part of my porblem is my sleep schedule, so new rules.  In bed at midnight, off of the computer by 1am.  I need to sleep.  I need to spend my apparently vauable time doing things like homework.  I need to spend less money and I need to get a camera for Sunday.  I need to eat more regualr meals and I need to watch less TV or at least keep working while I watch.  

I thought that this would be different.  I don't like the way that I am thought here, but I need to learn to deal with it.  I also need to find the instructions on how to work the Bolex and the light meter.  I am just not good at this.  I was supposed to be good at this.  I was talking to my mom and she was saying that I am getting ahead of myself, that I need to focus on the now ans worry about my career later.  I don't fully understand that.  I am getting a degree in what I supposedly want to do with my life and in doing so finding out that I hate it.  Isn't that a problem?

My mom says that I just have a problem with change and I think that could be a part of it.  I am totally new to this filmmaking thing and I am not instantly good at it wich is hard for me to deal with.  I just want to be done.  I wish I that I could skip all of this and just magically, have my degree and a job and a career and be successful.  I wish that I had a crystal ball or a pill that would gove motivation and focus.  

Whatever.  I need to try to go do my homework now.
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I wold pay for college.  I know that's really boring, but college is expensive....  I mean its slightly ridiculous.  Then I would buy lots of movies and books and maybe an apartment or condo.  I would buy clothes that fit properly.  I would go shopping at stores that I would never even consider walk in now.  I would also buy a nice professional quality filmmaking equipment.  I would love have my own stuff to mess around with.  I think it would help my confidence level a lot.  I would probably buy everything on my Amazon wish list.  Give some of it to my mom and last I would have someone repair build a 1967 Chevy Impala (even though I can't drive, I want one).  So yep.... that's about it.
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Since I came to college, I have been having mondo writer's block.  Nothing is coming out.  It actually hasn't been the whole time I've been here, but just the last month.  Writing anything, especially anything academic has been very hard.  I need to write a paper on Family in Francis Ford Coppola's films and I just am not able to come up with a defining..... overarching theme.  I don't have any thoughts that transfer well to paper and I cannot come up with a thesis.  This is an immediate problem, because this paper is due in 12 hours and I would like sleep for approximately six of those, although that is looking very unlikely at this moment.  I don't know what aspect of family I am trying to talk about.  I don't know what to say.  I have so much information about Coppola in my head and at my disposal, but I don't know what its telling me.  I don't know and I have to write this paper or I am going to flunk out of college and the thing is that I might flunk out of college anyway.  I don't what to do or how to motivate and I just..... I just suck.  I hate plagiarism and I would never plagiarize, but just this once I wish that I had no morals and could plagiarize, because otherwise I don't know how this is going to happen.  Besides that I have a rough cut of two films due on Saturday.  The first film is is being filmed on Monday, does anyone else see a problem with that.  So I have something to do all day Monday and that sucks a lot.  Besides which the other film has yet to be cast and we still don't have actors and I just don't think that its doable.  I don't know what to do, because I think that I'm doing things that are the director's job and he think that he's doing my job.  We don't work well together and he's not even trying at this point and I'm only kind of trying and its causing issues and I just...... want to sleep.  I just want to sleep.  I can't write and I don't have anything to say.  I need a thesis and I hate myself right now.  This was not just my normal procrastination, I just didn't care and I don't know why and I don't know what i'm going to do, because I seriously might flunk out of college.  I don't do drugs.  I don't drink.  I don't party or do any of the things that normally trip people up during college.  I watch movies.  I watch movies and I watch television shows and I surf the internet.  those are my addictions and I had them managed, not quite as perfect as I wanted to be, but good enough.  Then I came here and at first I was doing really well, everything was in on time and I worked really hard, but something happened a month or two ago.  It was like I fell off of the wagon.  I couldn't stop myself from watching movies and watching tv.  I couldn't stop myself form being on Tumblr or watching West Wing at 4am.  I suddenly had no will power at all.  i don;t know what happened I don't know.  I don't understand.  I don't know what happened to me.  I wasted my mom's money and I can't believe I did that I told myself and her that I would do better in college, but I think what kept me on track in school was really her and the small tight knot community that was my school.  Here, I am just another person another student and after a semester of school I have no friends here.   I think that all of this has contributed to what I can only assume is mild depression.  I miss my mom and I miss my home and I just wanted to be better here.  I got it in my head that this would be different, but at least at home I had to leave my room everyday.  Here that is not true and I have to say that doesn't help.  I don't.... know what to do at this point my paper is now due in 11 hours and I wanted it to be good.  I wanted it to be good.   I wanted to better.  Why aren't I better?  What is the point of my existance when I can't do this??  I can't even get through half a semester in college without falling apart?? what is wrong with me???  What is wrong with me?
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 I am tired all of the time and I am sick of it.  I have so much to do and I'm trying, but I spend way too much time essentially staring into space, because I am that tired.   I am so tired I don't even want to move anymore.  I need to do stuff like my homework, but I just.....  I am so tired that my eyes hurt and I don't have the time to be tired.  I am going to have to go to bed at midnight tonight no matter what end of story and hopefully, my life will begin to balance out again.  
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I am staying in a dorm with 3 other people and I am the only one that is even considering coming back to Columbia College next semester.  One is going back home, one is going to go to community college for a semester and then coming back and one is switching colleges permanently.  I am not doing so well on the college front.  I am having problems keeping myself on task.  The internet and tv are very distracting and at college I have no one breathing down my neck telling me to do my work.

I find myself with 18 day left in the semester and I am freaking out.  I have to work on two short films, write approximately 9 different papers, at least two of which are research papers, and edit a short interview segment.  I know that doesn't sound like much, but trust me it is.  One of the papers is on Francis Ford Coppola and the way he uses long/wide shots int he middle of scenes to increase drama.  (at least that's what its about right now, but that's kind of hard to show with research).  The rough draft was due last Friday and I haven't actually started on it. I'm working on the research part right now more than the actual writing, so i need to get on that.  The two films are directed by two other students and they cannot get their acts together.  So, my job as far as that goes is to remind them repeatedly that we have 18 days until the final cut is due.  One of the films has not been cast and the other is being filmed in Indiana and I was supposed to be filmed on Sunday, but the shoot was cancelled.  Do you know how annoying that is!!!! I was supposed to be done with my part of one of the films, by now, but no. So now as far as that goes I am just playing the waiting game.   It's actually really fucking annoying.  

So I am dealing with all of this and then I am dealing with the very real certainty of living with three brand new different people next semester and that's not really problem, except what if we don't get along.  Besides which I am actually worried about my grades.  For two reasons: one if I get lower than a C in either of my film classes, then I have to take them both over again,which would suck.  Two, I really don't want to start my college career on academic probation.  Argh.  I have been thinking about going back home next semester and going to community college and getting all of my general education credits in.  But that feels like a cop out and I am not sure that I'm ok with that.  I don't know.  It's hard I have yet to make any friend here, except my roommate and now she's not going to be here next semester.  So great.... now I'm at college and I'm going to be that creepy person without friends.   I just don't know what to do.  I mean obviously I need to buckle down and just start doing as much of this work as I can, so that I can get through this semester and hopefully come in over the grade of C, so that I can continue on in the school.  

If I go back home and go to community college, I want it to be next semester,because one of my best friends is still a senior in high school and I could hang out with her at least.  I just don't know.  I think I would be disappointed in myself, ifI had to go home, but to be totally honest I am already disappointed with myself, because I thought that college would be different and at the very least I would be good student.  I should have realized that habits don't change just because your location does.  Plus I think that I might have over passed the allowed absents in my First Year Seminar class, so fuck!!!!  I'm going to email my teacher and check, because he likes me and I think that maybe he won't fail me.  I hope. I just needed to vent and now I need to work and get something done, because when I accomplish something I get more motivated to continue working.
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Ok... so totally cliche moment, but my mom.  She always supported me in whatever I wanted to do.  I assume she would have drawn the line at me wanting to kill people or commit grand theft auto.  Other than that she is an incredibly strong person who got me through so much, just by being there.  I knew that no matter what was happening that I always had one person on my team.  I think that her existence was what proved to me that it gets better, because she was a lot like me in high school and she is very happy with her life now.  

One of the other woman who really effected me was my theatre teacher in high school.  Her name was Lara and she was my teacher for 2 years.  She was a strong presence with more talent in her little finger than most of the Hollywood starlets combined.  When she taught me, she was 26 and close enough to the age of her students to understand, sympathize, and joke.  She worked us hard, but we learned so much.  At the end of two years we had to do a 20 minute speech and I ran out of time.  I had more to say than I had time.  She taught me to communicate and express myself.  Because of her, I became much more confident and unafraid to be myself.  I owe her alot.  She was a great teacher and she really created a family within the theatre class.  It was awesome.

Fanfiction

Oct. 12th, 2010 12:53 am
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I love my fandoms.  I really do, but I'm not an active participant in forums or really anything else other than fanfiction.  I don't want to over think and therefore ruin any of my fandoms, so I really have no desire to discuss them intellectually.  

I was sitting at my desk reading a Harry/ Draco fanfiction and I was thinking about why I like fanfiction so much.  I was thinking about all the fandoms that I read fanfiction (there are many) and the type of fanfiction that I read.  Almost all of the fanficition that I read is about romance and most of it ends happily.  I think that I am so attached to and perhaps even addicted to this type of fanfiction for a reason.  It's everything that I want in my life.  

I want someone who thinks I'm beautiful no matter what I look like and who loves all of me, including my flaws.  This is everything that these stories are, but everything that I think I'm never going to have.  I'm 18 and I've never been kissed.  I've never had a guy indicate any kind of feelings towards me and I've never been on a date.  I love my friends, I really do, but around them I don't feel equal.  My best friend is a year younger and she has had boyfriends and made out.  She has even had minor stalkers and I get nothing.  Another one of my close friends blinks and she has another boy toy and was voted most secretly admired in high school.  On top of this I act realy tough, because I am afraid of people getting close.  I am the strongest personality in my group of friends and I was one of the two biggest bitches in high school, but really I want to be protected.  I am honestly afraid of guys and I don't know what to do.  I would just like to be held and be able to lean back into a big strong chest.  I want what the people in these stories have.  

I read a lot of slash and I think that's because most of it has a submissive/ dominant trend (even the clean stuff).  I am the dominant in life, but I don't know that I want to be in a relationship.  I am actually afraid to be in a relationship, because there is no way it can live up to the perfect relationship in my head.  I understand that mentally, but I am still afraid it would disappoint me and cause issues.  I just want someone to love me, because they choose to.  
 

halliwelsis93: (Default)
 I feel like a fucking idiot.  For the first time in my life I went with fashion over function and I wish i could take it back.  The problem is that it was expensive and my mom paid for it.  When I got new glasses I Ray Ban Wayfarers and had the normal lenses taken out and put in my prescription lenses.  It was so stupid.  They're too heavy and with the angle the lenses are funny.  I shouldn't have asked for and I feel so bad that it makes me want to cry and its keeping me up at night.  I should have just gotten the Costco glasses that looked awesome on me and weighed nothing and costed a quarter as much.  I don't know what to do.  I need new glasses that work, but I just got new glasses and I can't afford them and I can't ask my mom for them.  I think that when I get a job, which will hopefully be before my mom comes next month, I'll tell her.  I'll ask her if she can buy me the creeper glasses and I'll pay for the more expensive glasses.  I just don't know how to tell her I feel so bad.  I feel awful.  She said that she didn't trust the lady and she liked the Costco glasses more and she was right like she always is, but I can't fix it.  This is why I hate making decisions.  It feels like I always make the wrong ones and I don't know what to do.  I feel bad, because it was so expensive and I told her I wanted them, which I did but it was the wrong choice.  Maybe I can get new ones myself and then pay my mom the difference.  I just don't have job right now and so I can't really do anything, but wear my contacts.  I am so afraid that I'm damaging my eyes that I want to be able to take my contacts out, but I hate these glasses.  I don't know what I was thinking.  I am such an incredible dunce.  I shouldn't be allowed to make personal decisions.  All I want to do is tell my mother, because I tell her everything, but I don't want to make her mad or disappoint her or something.  I'm so upset.  Maybe this is something stupid to be depressed about, but I am and it won't go away I need to get a job and come up with a plan to fix it.  I just don't know what to do.  The other issue is that the contacts I am wearing now and the prescription of my new glasses and contacts is approximately the a step, so I really should wait until I run out of my old contact to try on my glasses again, because the first time I got dizzy.  I think that might be part of why I don't like them so I need to wait and try them on again once I switch to the new contacts and get used to them.  I want different glasses and I don't know what to do.  
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 I am officially at college, but I have yet to leave my dorm and actually do college things.  I don't know, it's weird.  I live in downtown Chicago and I just can't get the motivation to leave my dorm.  It's really bad.  I don't really want to be here, but I feel uncomfortable leaving.  I have things that I want to go to, but I have no one to go with which makes it even harder.  I don't know if I can do this.  Maybe, once I find some friends and have some people to hang out with it will be easier, but first I need to leave my dorm, because I don't think I'm going to have any life long connections to my suitemates.  It's hard living in the dorm I do, because we share it with other colleges and so not everyone I come across in the hallway goes to my school.  I have never been good at making friends and so I anticipate this being easy for me.  I just need to find someone who is on the same page I am and misses their mother as much as I do.  I knew I was going to be far away, but it feels like I'm all alone.  I come from a small town, so even though I didn't like everyone I knew everyone and I did a lot with my mother.  I hope I find someone to go to the movies with and to hang out with.  I hope I find someone who genuinely likes me and doesn't just tolerate me hanging around.  I have an abrasive personality and some serious walls I think what I think and I am not terrifically good at compromises, but if you are my friend I am loyal and funny and always there for, even when you're being stupid.  I have no friends.  My best friend is across the country and I feel like no one here could possibly understand all of my insanity.  I have a self defense class on the schedule tomorrow and then a giant open mic type thing called Big Mouth.  I hope I make friends at one of those.  I think that once I get out even if I don't make friends it will make it easier to get out the next day.  I am just kinda freaked out and I pray to god that if I don't make any friends in the next week that I make some once school starts.  AAAAAHHHHHH!
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 I am a little worried that I'm taking too much stuff to college.  I'm taking.....
One box of books
One box of Television shows
one steamer truck full of clothes
two 4 foot long duffels full of clothes
two smallish boxes full of randomness
posters
a shower caddy
two empty bins
a shelf for the television shows
(possibly a shelf for the books)
two Rosie the Riveter bookends
a very small box of yarn
a binder of my movies
a suitcase to live out of on the drive


My room at home is approximately 132 square feet.  My dorm room is approximately 365 square feet.  That means that if I equally divide the space in my dorm room, my side of the room is 182.5 feet which is 30 more square feet than I have at home.  It that's true I don't know why this stuff would be a problem.  It might be all of my clothes, but it's about 1/8 of the rest of my stuff.  It should all fit.  But it still makes me nervous that I have to move into a room with out having ever seen it.  If I could just look at it it would make my life a million times easier,  I just need to see how much wall space I have.  I am hoping that I won't have to send anything home, but I am a little worried that all my clothes won't fit.  

Unsure

Aug. 17th, 2010 02:28 am
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 I have six days until I drive across the country to go to college.  It will my first time being away from my mother for more than the month (and the time I was away from her for a month didn't go well, I got extremely homesick).  I'm not sure I can do this.  I say that I'm independent, and I am I can do my own laundry and cook for myself and when I'm motivated I can clean and I am decent office worker.  The issue is that for all of my decisions I depend on her.  I am afraid to load new programs onto my computer when she's not home, even though I have Macbook and she wouldn't know what to do if something went wrong anyway.  I don't know if I can do this.  Ia m not the kid who can't wait to get away from home and I'm not excited about college.  Shouldn't I be excited?  I'm worried about missing my mom and I'm worried that I won't make friends.  I am not an easy person to get to know.  I am a good friend or at least I think I am, but getting out of the acquaintance zone and into the friends zone is not an easy thing.   I'm worried that I'm not creative enough.  I have no good short film ideas and I'm trying.  everything I think of has been done or is based on something that has been done, so I don't feel good about it.  I can't create characters and when I try I tend to make them perfect versions of people that I  know.  I don't think that I will ever end up doing what I want to, because I don't think that I have enough creativity to creat a world like J.K. and Joss did.  I feel that I am a watcher and not even the cool kind like Giles, but that kind of person who is always on the fringe.  When I hang out with friends no matter who it is I am never really part of the group, but I'm on the fringe.  Even, when it's my best friends.  I am always the one who is weird.  I don't get it and I don't know why and I'm actually getting a little fed up.  I was over at a friend's house about a week ago and we were taking all kinds of pictures and having fun.  My two friends look great and funny and on occasion sexy in the pictures and I just look retarded.  I'm not funny at all when I m put under pressure.  I can be funny and I do crack jokes, but when someone looks at me or points a camera at me and says do something funny, I freeze.  I hate it.  It's very annoying.  I am also not ready to leave my best friend behind.  We have been friends for ten years and she is a year younger than me.  We watch almost all of the same movies and tv shows and have all kinds of inside jokes.  I don't know how I am going to make friends like that in college.  There is this bond that comes with growing up together and I don't see how I could ever be that close with someone I meet in college.  they won't have the full story.  They won't understand my relationship with my mom or where I am coming from when I speak.  I don't know how people do this.  I know that its supposed to be a growing experience, but what if I don't want to go.  I'm comfortable right where I am, which I guess is the problem.  I could happily stay here in high school for another year.  I thought I was ready to go and at the end of the year I felt ready, but now I wish I was going back to AHS.  It's comfortable and I understand it.  I was sick of it and I'm sure if I were to go back I would be sick of it again within a week, but I guess as much as it sucks, its safe.  
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 I can't get asleep before midnight...its really turning into an issue.  I need to go to bed earlier and get my body off of this schedule, but that is going to have to start on Monday.  I also really, really, really need to pack, but first I need to clean.  My plan is to get up around 10 am tomorrow and clean my room and get rid of stuff and do laundry.  Hopefully I can get that process done before I leave to go to the Lock-In at my library.  The Lock-In is basically an all-nighter with games and movies and food and fun.  I am going to be the oldest person there who isn't a chaperone.  I am really only going, because my best friend wants to.  I just feel like writing and I am hoping to tire myself out.

I really didn't realize that the John McClane/Matt Farrell fandom was as big as it is.  But I love it.  I am trying to get my best friend into it and I might succeed, but I think she needs to watch the movies in order and I so don't have time, because I leave for college on the 22nd (I think).  

This kinda an issue, because I am totally using livejournal to work out my issues, because none of my RL friends know that I have a livejournal and as far as I know, no one is reading this.  (If you are reading this feel free to say hi.)  I know that you probably don't care about my life, especially cause it is not very interesting.  But I like the people on this site.  I have yet to come across any of the really bitchy fans that everyone talks about.  I am hoping that they don't really exist.  Everyone I have commented on has been really friendly and I'm not part of any forums....so that could be part of the reason.

Ok well, I am off to go read (an actual, honest-to-goodness, paper book) and relax, so that I can sleep. goodnight.
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You know... they probably want a serious answer, but I'm pretty happy with my computer, so my answer probably won't even resemble serious.  the only really problems I've had with my computer have been mostly operator error, because I just switched to a Mac and prior to that I was a PC person.  

On a random note, I'm really bummed that Apple ended the "and I'm a Mac" commercial campaign they were doing with Justin Long.  It was awesome and very entertaining.  

The only thing I have a problem with is trying to get somethings that are meant for windows to work on my Mac...like for example, if there is an imbedded Windows Media Player on a page, I don't know how to make it play. But other than that I'm happy.

I just have to say that I wouldn't say no to a computer that could take itself and me through time literally and had a magic printer that printed 3-D objects, so you didn't have to wait for them to ship.  
halliwelsis93: (Default)
Ok...this is going to be really short.  I rarely watched Codename: Kids Next Door, when it was on the air, basically only when I was babysitting.  But I just watched the series finale and cried...alot.  I don't know why, but things like that always make me cry.  I mean I always cry at the first season finale of Sailor Moon too.  I think its just one of my quirks.

Twitter

Aug. 1st, 2010 01:53 am
halliwelsis93: (Default)
 I would be posting this on Twitter, but Twitter is down for scheduled maintenance, so I am posting it here:

I was born and bred in America, but I have the music of a barely known Estonian girl band in my library and I know all the words.  Does that make me weird?

My friends would say: No, that's not what makes you weird.

Yeah...okay I'm weird because I have an obsession with slash and 80's action movies and genre television shows and then more slash.  I read fanfiction like a fiend and in my sophomore year of high school it was the direct cause of some serious grade problems, but I don't write any.  

I am so...tired, I guess.  Do you know that feeling where you don't feel tired, but you eyes start to hurt and your contact lenses are getting blurry?  Well, that seems to be my perpetual state of existence.   Perhaps that's an indication that I should sleep.  It is after all 2 am.  ok well I shall try that then.  After I read one more Die Hard Fanfic.  I have no self control.  Oh well, it is on my list of things to work on right up there with being to chatty.
halliwelsis93: (Default)
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Absolutely.  I got like this about Charmed (TV show from 1998-2006) in middle school.  I kinda grew out of it, but not really.  There is a difference between now and then and its mostly that now I'm obsessed with like a million things, but normally one thing is at the forefront.  this month it seems to be the Matt Farrell/John McClane relationship in Live Free or Die Hard.  A couple of months ago it was the Terminator.  Its been Buffy the Vampire Slayer and Smallville (specifically Clois) and NCIS and Booth/Bones on Bones and and the Jonas Brothers (that I mostly grew out of) and Supernatural (Wincest) and Brokeback Mountain and Harry Potter (always Harry Potter) and many, many more.  Now basically I am just adding to it...I usually just tell people that I like television and movies.  I try to stay up on all of my shows and news about anyone who is/was in them.  

I am not really concerned about breaking free.  I am more focused, at least right now with trying to use my passion for these things to learn and then create a career in one of these industries.  I love all this stuff so much, but really I think its because I love characters.  I love people and I hope that get me somewhere.

Randomness

Jul. 25th, 2010 02:37 am
halliwelsis93: (Default)
 I feel like writing....this is just going to be a stream of consciousness and stuff...there will not be actual sentences...continue at your own risk...if there is some thought in here I really like I will pull it out and write another post just about that...however at this particular moment I am just enjoying the sensation of typing.  I watched the first episode of Doctor Who today...whenever I start to type Doctor, I want to automatically shorten it to Dr....I guess that's what happens when you work in a Dr.'s office...anyway I like Rose and find that Doctor Who make a lot more sense when you start from the beginning...I have a friend who will not stop going on about it and the only reason I'm watching it is to be in on the joke... I also watched Bend It Like Beckham for the first time in a very long time....I still like it and I wish there was more Jess/Joe fanfiction and less Jess/Jules fanfiction...I love Jonathan Rhys Meyers, although I just found out today that Rhys is pronounced like reese...Reese reminded me of Kyle Reese, who is awesome and loves Sarah Connor very much....speaking of which Linda Hamilton is playing Chuck's on the TV show Chuck, so now I am going to have to watch at least those episodes...coming back to my original train of thought...because I have to watch Doctor Who, I am going to make my friend watch Die Hard...perhaps the whole series (so far) because they are awesome and John McClane is kickass...I love 80's action movies, can't you tell...I also watched Rookie Blue today... I found that it resembled grey's Anatomy, which I don't really watch, but know a far bit about, because I try to pay attention to pop culture...I seem to have attached myself to a relationship which is not the one I was supposed to and is not going to last, which is kinda bumming me out...I then watched the LXD episodes that I had missed  and I found that a lot of people really don't like it... or at least the people who are taking time to comment...I liked this one episode called Robot Lovestory...it was like a silent movie and so of course it reminded me of the Buffy episode Hush.....then I got an unbearable urge to read Matt Farrell/John McClane fanfiction and I found a user that has an stellar Supernatural icon...its from the Mystery Spot episode and its Dean doing his little Heat of the Moment dance....I really liked it....I forgot to say that I watched Warehouse 13 too...which for some reason, despite it being really bad, I really like...I don't know I think that its because of the artifacts...ok i don't really have anything else to say...except now I'm think about the 3rd Die Hard, which to be frank is probably my least favorite and now I can't remember the title...Samuel L. Jackson was in it, but I mostly found his character annoying...god...what was it called...number 1 is Die Hard, number 2 is Die Hard 2: Die Harder...I got it number 3 is Die Hard With a Vengeance and number 4 is Life Free or Die Hard....they are making a fifth one, but the title has not been announced yet...I am excited for the movie RED, but I am going to have no one to go with...which is a bummer and one of the downsides to moving so far away from my mother...ok yeah, i'm a momma's girl, but my dad is an asshole and lives across the country, so there was no way I was gonna be a daddy's girl....no way in hell... I am going to miss my mom a lot.... I am almost thinking that I don't want to go...I don't think that I'm ready to go...I think the big bad world might chew me up and spit me out, but in't that the point don't I have to take that risk.....It's just very scary and I don't feel ready...ok on that note I should go to bed and dream of Bruce Willis....goodnight to anyone who happens to be bored enough to be reading this.

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halliwelsis93

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