Musings

Sometimes I wonder if I am a writer without an outlet.  I talk a lot and I think that I annoy people in doing so.  But when there are people around willing to pay me any kind of attention, I take advantage of it.  That is not to say that I don't have family members and friends who care a great deal about me, but I often feel like everyone wants me to shut up.  I get a subject between my teeth like the (temporary) resurgence of The Lizzie Bennett Diaries and I cannot stop talking about it.  I don't know why.  Its a little like I am trying to browbeat my audience into agreeing with me.  But it also feels as if I get something out of someone listening to me.  When someone talks to me, I pay attention.  I disengage from whatever I was doing and focus on them.  I find it frustrating that many people don't extend the same courtesy to me.  Am I really talking so much more than them?  Is what I have to say really so uninteresting?  I think I need another outlet, but I think part of the effect for me is the audience.  I think that talking makes me feel worthy, because I know there is an audience.  I write stuff here and although it is the internet and anyone could look at it no one does.  I think that my life would be dramatically improved and perhaps my relationships if I could find an additional audience.  I don't know.  Just stuff to think about.  (I read an article that made me want to write a novel.)