I hate film school.
Mar. 7th, 2011 05:20 pm![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png){kind=small}
halliwelsis93 I am having such a problem right now. I have no motivaiton to do anything. I am turning things in late and not doing my work until the last minute. Right now I need a camera on Sunday to film this short film that I am working on. If don't get it in I am going to flunk out of college and my mom is going to disown me or something.
I dread making films. This is not a good thing, when I am studying to be a director. I am supposed to be good at this passionate about this, because I love movies. I love them. Movies and television are like the only things that make me happy, besides my family. But I have an incredibly difficult time with school. It is very hard for me. Not the class part, I love class, but doing homework is like pulling teeth. I don't why its so hard for me. I am smart capable person and I want to do well, but I just.... I have such a hard time making myself do things.
I don't have any friends here and, so the only person I can talk to is my mom. The problem with that is not only is she across hte country, but she is a really motivated person, so I can't truly ex[lain this to her. How I feel. She doesn't get it. That isn't really her fault, because truthfully I don't understand either. Why is this so hard for me? I'm really good at the writing part. I am not so good with the asking people to do me favors or work with me. I am not a very organized person . I can't do this. I cannot do this.
My roommate has it all together. She's barely ever here, but she has it all together. She gets her homework done the night before at a resonable hour, something I think that I have only done a total of ten times in my life. I don't even know. I am going to try and follow her example startign with getting up every day no later than 10am. I think that a huge part of my porblem is my sleep schedule, so new rules. In bed at midnight, off of the computer by 1am. I need to sleep. I need to spend my apparently vauable time doing things like homework. I need to spend less money and I need to get a camera for Sunday. I need to eat more regualr meals and I need to watch less TV or at least keep working while I watch.
I thought that this would be different. I don't like the way that I am thought here, but I need to learn to deal with it. I also need to find the instructions on how to work the Bolex and the light meter. I am just not good at this. I was supposed to be good at this. I was talking to my mom and she was saying that I am getting ahead of myself, that I need to focus on the now ans worry about my career later. I don't fully understand that. I am getting a degree in what I supposedly want to do with my life and in doing so finding out that I hate it. Isn't that a problem?
My mom says that I just have a problem with change and I think that could be a part of it. I am totally new to this filmmaking thing and I am not instantly good at it wich is hard for me to deal with. I just want to be done. I wish I that I could skip all of this and just magically, have my degree and a job and a career and be successful. I wish that I had a crystal ball or a pill that would gove motivation and focus.
Whatever. I need to try to go do my homework now.
I dread making films. This is not a good thing, when I am studying to be a director. I am supposed to be good at this passionate about this, because I love movies. I love them. Movies and television are like the only things that make me happy, besides my family. But I have an incredibly difficult time with school. It is very hard for me. Not the class part, I love class, but doing homework is like pulling teeth. I don't why its so hard for me. I am smart capable person and I want to do well, but I just.... I have such a hard time making myself do things.
I don't have any friends here and, so the only person I can talk to is my mom. The problem with that is not only is she across hte country, but she is a really motivated person, so I can't truly ex[lain this to her. How I feel. She doesn't get it. That isn't really her fault, because truthfully I don't understand either. Why is this so hard for me? I'm really good at the writing part. I am not so good with the asking people to do me favors or work with me. I am not a very organized person . I can't do this. I cannot do this.
My roommate has it all together. She's barely ever here, but she has it all together. She gets her homework done the night before at a resonable hour, something I think that I have only done a total of ten times in my life. I don't even know. I am going to try and follow her example startign with getting up every day no later than 10am. I think that a huge part of my porblem is my sleep schedule, so new rules. In bed at midnight, off of the computer by 1am. I need to sleep. I need to spend my apparently vauable time doing things like homework. I need to spend less money and I need to get a camera for Sunday. I need to eat more regualr meals and I need to watch less TV or at least keep working while I watch.
I thought that this would be different. I don't like the way that I am thought here, but I need to learn to deal with it. I also need to find the instructions on how to work the Bolex and the light meter. I am just not good at this. I was supposed to be good at this. I was talking to my mom and she was saying that I am getting ahead of myself, that I need to focus on the now ans worry about my career later. I don't fully understand that. I am getting a degree in what I supposedly want to do with my life and in doing so finding out that I hate it. Isn't that a problem?
My mom says that I just have a problem with change and I think that could be a part of it. I am totally new to this filmmaking thing and I am not instantly good at it wich is hard for me to deal with. I just want to be done. I wish I that I could skip all of this and just magically, have my degree and a job and a career and be successful. I wish that I had a crystal ball or a pill that would gove motivation and focus.
Whatever. I need to try to go do my homework now.
