halliwelsis93: (Rachel)
[personal profile] halliwelsis93
My mom just spilled wine all over the front passenger side floor mat of my car.  I overreacted and said that I wasn't going to let her drink anymore.  I shouldn't have said that.  I said it because I am still upset with her about the copying my texts and sending them to my uncle thing and because she had 4 glasses of wine tonight.

She got mad at me and told me that because I didn't know where to stop, she wasn't going to pay for my car anymore.  I tried to say to her that if I spilled wine in her car she would be very upset with me.  She said yeah and implied that was because she pays for her car.  That is a factor and I do have a free car that I am extremely grateful for, because I could not afford it otherwise.  However, the fact that I have to pay for the car to be detailed now is not the only factor.  I am also that person that this mainly effects (which is why it doesn't matter to her at all).  I have to drive that car and if our family borrows the car over Christmas I will be the person that is blamed.  I had a right to be upset, if not as upset as I was.  Despite the fact that the car is not legally mine, I consider it mine and I really don't like it when other people brake or damage my stuff.  This is not a big deal and I did overreact.  I understand why she was mad.  However, she never really apologized and she is still ignoring what she did wrong with the texting.  She seems to think that the lesson out of all of this is that she shouldn't share things with me.  I find it completely baffling that it doesn't seem to occur to her that she simply shouldn't do these things.  Then she could share whatever she wanted with me.  I know that the wine was an accident and I don't think that I was honestly reacting to that.  I think that most of my reaction was about things that I didn't get to say about the other thing.  The real problem, for me, in the fact that she clearly thinks I am being ridiculous about the texts and it is a problem for me.  If I wouldn't have told him myself, he shouldn't have the information.  I now am going to spend the whole time that my uncle is here feeling awkward.  I know that she thinks that is my fault and absurd, but it wouldn't have happened if she hadn't given him the information.

She's right.  She probably shouldn't have told me.  She seemed to think that it was a laugh, but it wasn't and I didn't need to know.  I don't understand what exactly she thought would be funny to me, but it is what it is.  I think that more than anything she should have been aware that it affected me.  I don't want to be mad at her for it, but I don't know how to work through it, because she makes me feel like we can't discuss it, because she can just declare the conversation over at any moment.  My emotions might be ridiculous and illogical, but they are still how I feel and i have a right to them.  I just feel all roiled up and icky inside. 

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halliwelsis93

July 2016

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