College??!?!

[halliwelsis93]

 I am officially at college, but I have yet to leave my dorm and actually do college things.  I don't know, it's weird.  I live in downtown Chicago and I just can't get the motivation to leave my dorm.  It's really bad.  I don't really want to be here, but I feel uncomfortable leaving.  I have things that I want to go to, but I have no one to go with which makes it even harder.  I don't know if I can do this.  Maybe, once I find some friends and have some people to hang out with it will be easier, but first I need to leave my dorm, because I don't think I'm going to have any life long connections to my suitemates.  It's hard living in the dorm I do, because we share it with other colleges and so not everyone I come across in the hallway goes to my school.  I have never been good at making friends and so I anticipate this being easy for me.  I just need to find someone who is on the same page I am and misses their mother as much as I do.  I knew I was going to be far away, but it feels like I'm all alone.  I come from a small town, so even though I didn't like everyone I knew everyone and I did a lot with my mother.  I hope I find someone to go to the movies with and to hang out with.  I hope I find someone who genuinely likes me and doesn't just tolerate me hanging around.  I have an abrasive personality and some serious walls I think what I think and I am not terrifically good at compromises, but if you are my friend I am loyal and funny and always there for, even when you're being stupid.  I have no friends.  My best friend is across the country and I feel like no one here could possibly understand all of my insanity.  I have a self defense class on the schedule tomorrow and then a giant open mic type thing called Big Mouth.  I hope I make friends at one of those.  I think that once I get out even if I don't make friends it will make it easier to get out the next day.  I am just kinda freaked out and I pray to god that if I don't make any friends in the next week that I make some once school starts.  AAAAAHHHHHH!